A Satire of Sorts: Taken From the Comedy, ‘The Honeymooners’ With a Twist

Written By Thomas Perez. July 10, 2010 at 9:32pm.

A Little Skit / A Little twist on ‘The Honeymooners’. A Satire of Sorts….To other believers in Christ, please do not get offended. Remember, it is just a satire.

The Universalists are dancing before the Lord.

And along comes Satan, the ‘Devil.’

Devil: “Hold it! HOLD IT!! Wait a Minute!!! WHATS GOING ON HERE!!!!”

Brother 1: “Nothing Devil, Thomas was just teaching us Universal Salvation”

Brother 2: “That’s right Devil. Thomas was just teaching us Universal Salvation”

Devil: “Ohhhhhhhhhh, Thomas was just teaching you Universalism. Ho, Ho, Hoooooo. That puts a different light on everything! For a minute there I thought you dancing and reciting the doctrinal creeds. But now I know, Thomas was just teaching you Universalism, ho, ho, hooooo, that makes a world of difference! EVERYBODY OUT!! OUT!!!”

Sister: “But Mr. Devil, its fun!”

Devil: “And YOU a defender of the creeds should be ashamed of yourself. NOW OUT!”

Brother 1: “Ok brothers and sisters, we better call it quits for today.”

Devil: “QUITS FOR TODAY? YOU’LL CALL IT QUITS FOR TODAY, TOMORROW, NEXT WEEK, NEXT MONTH, AND NEXT YEAR, YOU’LL CALL IT QUITS!” And as for you Mr. Thomas Perez, OUT!”

Brother 1: “What is the matter with you Devil?”

Devil: “What’s the matter with me? WHATS THE MATTER WITH ME? I COME BACK FROM A HARD DAYS WORK OF HAVING MEN COMMIT SIN AND INIQUITY AND YOUR DANCING THE UNIVERSAL DANCE ONTO JESUS, AND YOU WANNA KNOW WHATS THE MATTER WITH ME?!”

Brother 1: “Ohhhhh Devil”

Devil: Don’t you Oh Devil me! How long has this been going on?!

Brother 1: “Only a few years. When Mrs. Stevens found out that Thomas had a website, she thought that he would teach it to other believers.”

Devil: “Ohhhhhhhhh, Mrs. Stevens asked if he would teach it to you guys. A Universalist has moved his way onto the internet and into my house! It couldn’t be an Augustinian believer or an Arminianist so he could teach you how to recite the many different confessions of faith and creedal laws! 

Brother 1: “What’s so terrible about learning the concept of Universal Salvation? Everybody believes in it now!”

Devil: “EVERYBODY BELIEVES IN IT NOW? EVERYBODY?!”

Brother1 : “Well I don’t mean everybody!”

Devil: YOU SAID EVEYBODY BELIEVES IN IT! I DON’T KNOW ANYBODY WHO BELIEVES IN IT! I DON’T BELIEVE IN IT! APOLLYON DOESN’T BELIEVE IN IT AND BEELZABUB NEVER BELIEVED IN IT! DON’T TELL ME EVERYBODY BELIEVES IN IT!

Brother 1: “Alright Devil, we won’t discuss it anymore.”

Devil: “You won’t discuss it anymore. Your Universal days are over. You want to preach? Preach the creeds and give me my full! “WAIT A MINUTE, WHATS THAT?!”

Brother 1: “A study on the pagan myth of Hell.”

Devil: “The pagan myth on Hell? WHAT I’M I A LIAR OR SOMETHING?! WHY CAN’T YOU BELIEVE THE NORM?! OHHHHH, I KNOW WHY, BECAUSE YOUR LEARNING UNIVERSALISM!”

Brother 1: “Yeah, yeah, yeah….The lesson lasted a little longer today and we went into the study and topic a bit deeper.”

Devil: “Well let me tell you something. I know who’s fault it is. I KNOW WHO‘S FAULT IT IS! Its Thomas’ fault! Ho, hoooooo, Thomas Perez! He cooked up a tit bit! And its not only his universal thoughts on Universalism, not by a long shot it isn’t! Its the other fancy things that he says and the fancy teachings about the love of God that he parades around with! THAT’S WHAT PUT NUTTY IDEAS INTO YOUR HEAD!”

Brother 1: “Sure Devil, sure. You think he’s a troublemaker….Well I got news for you, Beelzebub, and some of the other demons in this building. He happens to conduct careful research into Biblical truths hidden for far too many years. We see God as a Righteous Judge, yes, but we also see Him as a Loving and Just God. That’s something you and many Christians seem to have forgotten through the fog of the many creeds, that GOD IS LOVE!”

Devil: “I forgot that God is Love? How can I? I was created as the opposite of such! What do you mean I have forgotten the true nature of God?” I let you promote creeds, doctrines, tenets, and quotes from many notable adherents. ANGELS DON’T DO THAT!”

Brother 1: “That’s right Devil; that’s all the Christian faith is to you, just a handy utensil of creeds to have around the house. A Christian can bust their heads learning Church history, Confessions of Faith, and learn how to debate. But you, old Devil, will never think of saying something wonderful. You wouldn’t even think of admitting such a concept because if you do, it will destroy who you are at the moment; the exact opposite of your Creator!”

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