A Satire of Sorts: Taken From the Movie ‘Spaceballs’ With a Twist

Written By Thomas Perez. August 10, 2010 at 7:10pm.

A Universalist (who we will call in the script ‘Uni’), a Calvinist, and an Arminianist are aboard a spaceship some where in the outer atmosphere of our planet. And they all seek to reach the lost sheep with the Gospel and will not be stopped in doing so. As they pursue their great commissions, they become curious as to where their particular missions pertaining to the plan of God would lead them. So they seek the answer in a video tape called “The Play of Life”

Calvinist: Where is the ‘Play of Life?!”

Arminianist: I found it sir!!!

Calvinist: Good work Arminian, play the video!

Arminianist: My freewill in life is to thank you for this opportunity to see into the plans of God!

Calvinist: The ‘Play of Life’ is too early, prepare to fast forward!!!

Arminianist: Preparing to fast forward sir!!!

Calvinist: Fast ward!!!

Arminianist: Fast forwarding sir!!!!

As they fast forward they see their accomplishments throughout history….

Universalist: NO, NO, NO!!!! PASS THIS PART, You know the part of 1961. IN FACT NEVER PLAY THAT AGAIN!!! People might mis-interprete!

Calvinist: Try it here. STOP!!!

The video stops and then plays them as they are now, now….

Universalist: What the heck I’m I looking at? When does this happen in the Plan of Life and Play of God?

Calvinist: Now! Your looking at now ‘Uni’, everything that happens now, is happening now!

Universalist: What happened to then?

Calvinist: We passed it.

Universalist: When?

Calvinist: Just now, were at NOW, NOW.

Universalist: Go back to then!

Calvinist: When?

Universalist: Now!

Calvinist: Now,’ Uni?’

Universalist: Now!

Calvinist: I can’t ‘Uni.’

Universalist: Why?

Calvinist: We missed it!

Universalist: When?

Calvinist: Just now.

Universalist: When will then be now?

Calvinist: SOON!

Universalist: HOW SOON?

Arminianist: SIR!!!

Universalist: WHAT?!

Arminianist: I’VE LOCATED SOME OF THE LOST SHEEP!!!

Universalist: WHERE?!

Arminianst: ON THE MOON OF VEGA!!!

Calvinist: GOOD WORK Arminian, SET A COURSE AND PREPARE FOR OUR ARRIVAL!!!

Universalist: WHEN?!

Arminianist: 1900 HOURS SIR!!!

Calvinist: BY HIGH NOON TOMMOROW, THEY WILL LEARN TO RECITE THE 5 POINTS OF SALVATION, AND THEY WILL BELONG TO ME!!!

Arminianist: WHAT ABOUT THE 5 POINTS OF PELAGIOUS?

Universalist: THE 5 POINTS OF WHOOOOOOOOOO? WHAT ABOUT THE 1 POINT OF THE GOSPEL!!!! Pretty please? Anyone, pleaseeeeee?

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